what hermit mode taught me

I CAN NO LONGER LIVE MY LIFE SEEKING VALIDATION OUTSIDE OF MYSELF!

When you find yourself emotionally alone and focused on bettering yourself you understand the importance of internal validation. Realizing that the only person I truly cared about pleasing was myself, shifted everything. I'm the only person I have to live with entirely. I'm the only person who knows me inside and out and knows my desires, wants and needs, so why did I spend so much of my life needing people to validate that what I was doing was good enough? I used to ask people's opinions way too often, needed approval way too much and just for the simplest things. Grounded in my truth I realized I just want everything I do in life to be an expression of me authentically, the easiest way to no longer be authentic is allowing something outside of yourself to dictate me and what i do. Seeking validation outside of myself leaves me too vulnerable for my liking, it leaves me depending on other people's approval, something that is never granted to me, something that when taken away can leave me questioning yourself and my abilities. I no longer need the approval of those around me because I know I am good enough, I know I try my best, I know who I am and what I want, and I know I’m enough.

I CAN NO LONGER LIVE MY LIFE WATERING MYSELF DOWN FOR THOSE AROUND ME!

If you were to tell me that majority of my adult life I have been people pleasing..I wouldn’t have believed you, I’ve always prided myself in being authentic and speaking my mind, when my mom called me outspoken as a child I took it as a complement because being outspoken had power; saying how i felt had power.

Once life started kicking my ass I didn't realize i was watering myself down so much for those around me, I got tired of hurting people's feelings by telling my truth, losing people when I spoke about how I felt, I got tired of constantly hearing how I was speaking out of term and how I needed to “stay in my place”. I forgot the person I desired to be and the power I already held, just because the people around you don’t don’t understand what you’re talking about doesn’t mean you should stop talking, just because the people around you haven’t met themselves as far as you have doesn’t mean you should stop sharing your truth because you know it can be triggering for others to hear.

I found myself in spaces surrounded by people and still feeling alone because nobody around me was seeing me for who I was on a soul level.

People pleasing can look like many different things which is why I didn't clock it when I started participating in it. The people pleasing tendencies I found within myself looked like not speaking my truth because I knew it would hurt the people around me. It looked like not opening myself up around people because I knew that the version of me that was true didn’t fit in the space they created so I compromised my authenticity for comfort and that is something i will never do again. If speaking your truth changes a connection that connection isn't for you, as long as your delivery wasn't the worst, It's better to create your own space instead of watering yourself down to fit in with others.

J.COLE DID HIS BIG ONE WHEN HE WROTE LOVE YOURZ

In your 20’s everybody around you starts being in very different stages of life, some people are married, some just started their dream career, some move to a new state and start a new life. it’s easy to become discouraged and sometimes envious of those people “doing more” in life than you are. The solution is realizing envy is a direct link to desires, the key is unlocking yours.

In this day and age it is easy to go online and get discouraged, you see people younger than you buying houses for their parents, people constantly booking trips, spending money to live in luxury… When the majority of people on social media appear to be living the life you desire or doing activities you’d like to do it’s hard to not compare your journey to theirs, it’s hard to not look at other people's lives and ask why those things are not happening for you. the truth is it’s because that’s not your path, truth is what’s for you will feel better. Imagine you're out to eat with your family and while everybody is looking at the menu you’re busy looking around at what the people around you are eating and you see a lady who has the aesthetic and body type you desire eating a small amount of food, salmon and vegetables, and despite the fact you tried salmon last month and realized you weren’t a fan and instead of it instead looking over the menu and getting something you know you’ll enjoy you figure if you get the meal that she got that it’ll get you one step closer to your desired look. when your food comes you get yet another confirmation that your taste buds don’t agree with salmon and you didn’t enjoy your meal at all..

What somebody else makes look good might not fulfill you, what somebody else does might not work for you. So instead of looking around at what everybody else is eating you should look at the menu. look at your options, look at your desires. There is no place better than being exactly where you are and nobody better than who you are today because as long as you focus on yourself and you do what feels good to you where you are will lead you directly to where you want to be.

“IM DEALING WITH A LOT OF REJECTION RN & IT MAKES ME FEEL V SMALL”

“WELL IF NOBODY WANTS YOU THAN YOU’RE FREE”

I think it’s safe to say that the first 15 seconds of sza’s song on the sos album set me into an awakening.. So let me say something to anyone who feels constantly rejected or ostracized by society. That force that feels outside of your control where it feels like nothing is in your favor and the world is against you and it feels like nothing is happening for you.. you’re being called to sit with yourself, and I know trust me, I know it sucks, I know it gets lonely and I know it gets hard always being the person to pick yourself up. I know it’s hard to not have that support or love that you desire from something or someone outside of yourself, but that’s the issue.. That’s the lesson that needs to be learned because the love you seek is within, the comfort you need is yourself, the support you need is the strength to keep going.

“done being used, don’t playing stupid, done faking cool.. I don’t want none of that shit I don’t want it” run far away from the you that over gave yourself in every situation thinking it was going to guarantee you the same privileges in return.

Finding that love and finding that light within yourself will guarantee that you can no longer feel small. How are you small when you pour into yourself everyday and the cup is still full? How are you small when you’ve saved yourself countless times already? How are you small if you're still showing up for yourself and try everyday to dispute how you may feel? You can’t, and you won’t.

I send love to everybody who related to far in the same capacity I did and I set intentions into the universe that our kindness is gifted back to us, our support is multiplied and we never lose ourselves giving to other people ever again.

So to those who have been in a constant state of stagnation and solitude, you deserve the life you desire! You deserve to be seen! You deserve to be heard! You’re allowed to take that time off to relearn yourself after you’ve strayed away from you, you’re allowed to find the new version of you in peace, you’re allowed to recreate yourself in hermit mode. Just make sure you don’t get so comfortable in solitude you forget to re-emerge into society. don’t forget to show people the new and improved you, people need to experience all the work you put in and you deserve to reap the benefits that the universe will send you for all of your hard work.

So put yourself out there. Live the life you have created for yourself! Live in the energy of renewal and rebirth because you deserve it.